Shy men make better lovers

It is no gainsaying that most women prefer dating men who appear confident and outspoken, not necessarily because such men are better lovers, but partly because they exhibit an aura of protection, safety and reliability for their spouses.


Notably, shy men may not be every woman’s preference maybe because they appear calm and non-aggressive in situations that demand absolute exhibition of their manliness, but it now appears that women who prefer dating the macho men to shy men may be missing out on the best possible mate or the company of a better lover. This is because studies have shown that men who are shy are better lovers.

No doubt, the natural attraction of females to ‘confident’ men has compelled some men to ‘come out of their shell’ in order to impress women, more so because they sometimes have to prove their masculinity with some bold and dramatic displays. However, if the findings of these studies are anything to go by, women who are in relationships with shy men should count themselves lucky for being in the company of better mates.

Some biologists at the Plymouth University, United Kingdom, found that men who shy the most do have the most to offer their potential lover.


One of the researchers, Prof. Mark Briffa, who is a marine ­animal behaviour scientist in the university, likened men to hermit crabs, pointing out that the most timid or shy crabs tend to have more high quality sperm, making them a better option for females.

The findings of the study, published in Daily Mail, revealed that crabs that spend more time in their shells have invariably invested more time and resources in becoming reproductively fit, saying their finding was in contrast with the idea that the most productive individuals should be the boldest. Thus, according to the study, shy men who may not readily talk spend more time on things that could make them better, which invariably would make them better lovers.

In some other reports to buttress the point that there are several benefits in dating a shy guy, a post onallwomenstalk.com showed that the main challenge shy men have is that their spouses may need to work harder to get some information out of them because they usually do not readily share information about themselves. Also people tend to have a wrong perception of who they really are. This is unlike the ‘confident’ guy who would want to talk about his past, present and future. The report added that the men who are ‘confident’ tend to be more possessive and talk a lot about themselves. It added that such men could put off some possible lovers with their actions for being too forward and dominating conversations.

According to the post, shy guys are also more sincere than the outspoken guys because they think deeply about their words beforehand and are more careful in their expression than those who are not and are usually ready to talk as soon as situations present themselves. Also, shy men were found to be less intimidating than their ‘confident partners’, who would want everyone around to feel that they are more than they truly are. It added that shy guys who may rarely talk would only talk when convinced and definite about what to say and not to impress, noting that the ‘confident’ men would want to introduce or advertise themselves at all times, which may not be the true picture of who they truly are.

“They are considerate and are more likely to consider the impact of their words and actions on their partner, hence, making them a preferred spouse. Also, they are less likely to cheat, not only because women tend not to consider them for relationship but also because they focus their attention on more productive things rather than chasing women,” it added.

For women who love rapt attention and a listening man to talk to, no one does it better than shy men because they usually don’t and are not always eager to dominate conversations. Rather, they listen well and only talk when they feel like or when they have something better or interesting to say. This, accordingly, implies that shy men respect the feelings and opinions of others. According to the post, shy men have been found to make valuable contributions in a group discussion because they spend more time meditating, and are not in a hurry to speak. Beyond these, it was also revealed that shy guys are more receptive, all making them a better lover.

In summarising the benefits of dating a shy man, another report on amerikanki.com, said, “It’s believed that girls tend to talk much more than guys, but every now and then, even women need a person that can just keep silent and listen to them. They want to talk more and be listened to and any man who can afford them such would readily score some point.

“A shy man will never act artificially and his words always correspond to his thoughts and women can be sure that the shy guy means exactly what he says. Indeed, it’s a good reason to date a shy guy.

“Shy guys aren’t so talkative and probably most ladies will have to make great efforts to get along with them, just that if such men choose to talk, they are sincere and their words are meaningful and they don’t bother their partner with annoying questions. Even if they have to reject people or their opinion, they do it in a polite manner.

“These imply that shy guys shouldn’t be ignored at all because dating a shy guy is all about advantages and these are only a few of them. If you want an attentive, careful person, dating a shy guy is definitely a right idea, even if they are not the readily combat-ready men.”

Thus, the studies and posts pointed out that a man with such traits as highlighted and discussed above tends to be a better lover.

Commenting on the study, a professor of psychology, Toba Elegbeleye, said shy guys could be categorised as introverts, and that they are people who like to be quiet, studious and alone, not for the fear of publicity but for them to exhibit their internal qualities.

He pointed out that such people have fantastic inner qualities and they usually believe that they are the only ones that understand their personality better.

He said, “They are very hardworking and intelligent people because they are able to explore all their internal qualities. So, it may not be wrong if somebody concludes that they are better lovers because they have the patience to live with and correct their partners in love if there is need.

“Also, they can see what an ordinary extroverted person won’t see because they pay attention to details, they know more than they speak out, so, these may make them a good lover. They may be able to accommodate all the inconsistencies that come from their partner.

“They usually have internal resilience that makes them consider issues several times before they take action, and most of such actions cannot be faulted. These qualities may make them better lovers.”